A few weeks back I was watching PBS, and they were asking for annual monetary pledges. They always put on such excellent programs on nights like this to remind you of the quality programming they offer and then pitch their need for new funding. I don’t know whether or not you are a Barry Manilow fan, but during a break in the programming they were interviewing him and he was talking about how he got his start in the world of music. He mentioned some of his early work in commercial advertising. He recorded the original jingle “…And like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.” Most folks know the tune to those words. You probably just sang it in your mind instead of merely reading it.

Back in the olden days neighbors were important. A sense of community was deep-rooted within people. Neighbors go largely unrecognized today, it not being uncommon for folks to not even pay attention to who their neighbors are. You may see someone in the grocery store that looks vaguely familiar, but never be able to place them or discover they are your neighbor (okay, maybe not next-door neighbor, but who knows?). The mantra today seems to be, “The best neighbor is a good fence.” But let me assure you that the best neighbor isn’t a good fence. The best neighbor is at least a neighbor whose head you can see popping over the fence and giving you advice without their mouth ever moving.

But seriously, it is in fact rather fulfilling to have neighbors you care about and who care about you. It is very worthwhile pursuit cultivating rich friendships with your neighbors. The first reason is just because they live by you and you should want to associate with them in a meaningful way. Friendship is a lost art form that should be resurrected from the dead and put in its rightful place. It’s important to interact with your neighbors and exchange conversation in the form of pleasantries, common concerns, and ideas.

Making a friend out of a neighbor can be easy or hard. It’s hard if there is an ulterior motive or it is insincere. It may take some time to develop a robust relationship with your neighbors, but that’s fine. You’re in no race. If you want to shave off a little bit of time, make certain you welcome new move-ins as soon as you become aware of their presence. The best way to do this is just by being observant and by offering to assist them moving in! People will let their guard down rather quickly and be open to a new friendship if they realize you are willing to do some grunt work in their behalf and expect nothing in return.

Another method for welcoming a newbie neighbor is making a plate of goodies with a note to set the stage for a promising future of a peaceful coexistence. Can you even imagine how many neighborhood conflicts could be prevented and avoided with this prophylactic medicine? In doing this you send a message of good intentions from the get-go, and problems down the road can possibly become a walk in the park or alleviated to some degree. It’s much better than to have ill feelings brewing and building up over time, only to come spewing forth at the breaking point with ferocity. You avoid this whole mess, and your visits to the peace-pipe circle will be lessened, and you can concentrate on building into strength instead of mending weakness; all because your intent was broadcast from you beginning introduction to them. Make your first impression be stellar!

Let’s say that you’ve already let some time pass, maybe even years without making any meaningful contact with a neighbor. You’ve now made a conscious decision to be neighborly, but momentum isn’t on your side. You don’t have a bad relationship with said neighbor, but in fact don’t have any. In this circumstance you most likely feel like a bump on a log, and you may feel a bit guilty, awkward, and embarrassed. Don’t underestimate, however, your neighbor’s human potential to allow for your imperfection. After all, part of the reason you are net yet two peas in a pod can be traced back in part to he or she never approaching you either, right? People aren’t trees, but they can turn over a new leaf when they want to, and if sincere, your turning over will quite possibly impress your neighbor. So there!

The easiest way to turn over a new leaf with your neighbor(s) is to engage in spontaneity. But if you don’t have this skill, all is not lost. Some find it easier to ease into it by carefully identifying a shared interest. No shared interest? Well, is there anything you could ask that neighbor about that you would like to learn? If you are stealthy, this places him or her in expert status, allowing him or her to comfortably share and feel confident in doing so. Make them feel they have something important to share with you that you have come seeking with genuine interest. But don’t overwhelm them—just a careful, unintimidating consistency will do.

I said there should be no ulterior motive, and I meant it. You should make, be, and have friends for the simple sake of friendship. But, it is okay to believe that you may both benefit from each other’s strengths. I guess the qualifying question to find out if you’re in it for the right reason or are initiating it for the right reason is: if they didn’t or wouldn’t do such and such for me (fill in the blank), would I still want the friendship? If you can honestly answer yes to that, you are on solid ground. If the answer is no, abort the mission. Bow out until you have matured to the point you can proceed correctly.

All of this being said, I do appreciate when my neighbor from across the street calls me when I have left my garage door open at night. And I do appreciate when I can borrow an item without feeling too awkward. I hope he feels the same comfort level with me. But these are outcroppings of a strong nucleus and not a list of requirements I have for him to be or stay my friend. If my neighbors didn’t extend the hand of fellowship by giving me some of their garden vegetables, we’d still be friends.

A last observation, another outcropping: I call it interest at the bank of good deeds, others may call it karma. If you were ever in need and you had deposited and given much in friendship with your neighbors, don’t you think they would come to your aid in an emergency when you most need them?

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